I'm coming home for Christmas
by 0123Hope
Summary: o/s for the DEEX. Prompt from Lauren - Damon has been away from town after Elena and Stefan got back together but now he's coming home for Christmas.


First of all, yes Christmas had been over for weeks but school is so busy that even during the holidays I didn't have any time to write. I still hope you enjoy the story. And especially Lauren and Daisy whose prompt I tried to turn into a story.

HUGE thank you to **aj81writing**, this story would be nothing without her so send her some love because I can't give her enough to thank her for helping me out with this.

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><p><strong>I'm coming home for Christmas<strong>

My eyes were burning as I took another step into the snow that crunches below my feet. Everything around me was lighted with decorations in every possible animal form you could think of, deers, penguins, polar bears, dogs, cats, even a fucking tiger. People really lost their minds during the last century and a half.

I could still vividly remember what Christmas looked like in 1864, when I was still human and led a life worth living. The trees would be covered with fresh fallen snow, the maids would light the fire place to warm the cold ballroom. The town would gather and every girl would wear a red dress. Stefan would greet them all, as the polite boy he was. His eyes would stay on their faces, not once would his gaze linger on the calves they were showing off. That was probably why they always liked him better, the perfect gentleman, the good boy, someone they could always count on, not someone they only used for their one time pleasure. If they had only known what he would become years later.

My hands kneaded another snowball together. I didn't even feel the cold, the burning pain that should come when you held it against your skin for too long. As a child I had gotten my ass kicked on several occasions for pushing Stefan in the snow, his clothes for the party would be ruined and the maids would have to clean him up again. My father would let his fists collide with different parts of my body, remembering me again which son was his favorite. I never told him that it was his angel who started the snowball fights.

Instead of the warm family home I had lived in when my mom was still alive - before Stefan was born and I got another reason to think less of myself – I was now walking the empty streets, the white blanket that covered the landscape hurting my sensitive eyes. I could be in a warm home right now, sipping my best bourbon and warming my skin that would never burn by anything but vervain in front of the fire place. But that meant I would have to answer the phone that was ringing in my right pocket, something it had been doing for hours, the same noise it always made at this time of the year. When family thought you were supposed to be home with them and did everything they could to get you there. I hadn't been home in five years.

I growled as suddenly the noise of the phone became more annoying than the white snow that surrounded me. With one look at the caller ID I rolled my eyes. Of course.

"You must have been a call girl in your previous life."

"No, a monk, that's where I got my patience from."

"And your stubbornness from your life as a donkey?"

"No. From my mother."

"Troubled youth you must have had."

"Damon." I heard the man I had once called my best friend sigh my name. "Could you please come home for Christmas?"

"Stop asking rhetorical questions."

"She isn't even here."

And for a moment I believed him, for a second I let myself believe that she had left Mystic Falls to get away from all the drama but then I heard the honey sweet laugh that shattered my universe. The strings that pulled on my dead heart started aching by the sound, the chest that once housed a soul started torturing me.

"Sure, she isn't."

"Where are you anyway?"

"Not in the country."

"That didn't answer my question." I smirked as I saw him rub his forehead in my imagination. "It's been five years since anyone has heard from you."

"You're hearing me now, aren't you?"

"She's set a plate for you like she does every year." My smirk fell as I felt the words cut through a part of me I didn't even know existed. "She says you'll come back eventually."

I knew she still had hope for me. That girl loved a lost cause, she loved helping them, trying to save them so she could be happy too. It was one of the reasons why I had left five years ago, because I knew I would make her miserable by moping around the house, by giving her some sort of hope that I could still be saved. No one could save me, I was more lost than your average lost cause.

"I thought she wasn't even there."

"You know she's here."

"It doesn't matter anymore." I swallowed back the treacherous lump in my throat. "Goodbye, Ric."

I clapped the phone shut before he could give me another answer that would only make me doubt my decision more. The snow started creaking under my leather boots again as I walked further down the empty street, pausing when my gaze locked on a family gathered around the table. The men were drinking in the living room, the women sitting around the table and laughing. Another man stood on the other side of the dining room, holding his phone in his hand. He shared a look with the girl that stepped inside the room, carrying dessert on a tray. For some reason she looked up at him with an expecting gaze, they shared a look and the smile on her face fell as the man shook his head and threw his phone back on the table.

Without realizing it myself I had come closer to the image in front of me, my feet had carried me there because they knew the path that led to the front door all too well. Something started poking the black space where my heart had been when I saw the girl remove one of the plates that had been set. A tear escaped her eye as she put it back in the cupboard and took one of the chairs at the table back to the kitchen.

I still remember the first time she had cried because of me. When I turned her brother's girlfriend into the same monster I was and let her loose in town so she could hurt all the people she loved so dearly. I was there when she cried the second time a few weeks later when her car swerved off the road and someone with the same intentions as me tried to approach her, she had been weak in my arms, the tears running down her cheeks, her big brown eyes looking up at me. Until suddenly they weren't. I had never felt so lost in my whole life.

The next time she cried it was like the earth broke apart underneath me, swallowing me into a hole of darkness. Her eyes red, her face stained with tears, her nostrils wide open, her tiny frame coming at me filled with so much anger it could feed the whole world population. I can still feel the warmth of her palm against my cheek, it didn't hurt me physically but I experienced the definition of pain emotionally when she accused me of knowingly letting her friend die. That I would be capable of doing it, didn't mean I did it. She should have known I would never do anything that could hurt her.

The last time I saw her cry it had everything to do with me. Her eyes tearing up as she rested against my side, her hand holding mine. I'll never forget how her skin felt against mine, how the smell of her hair helped me get through the pain. That was the moment I realized I would never love anyone more than that, recklessly, blindly. She had consumed me with her whole being, had pulled me in with everything she was, not everything she could be, like Katherine. I loved her because she was her, with all her flaws and perfections.

Once I had claimed to be willing to die for her and as I watched her do something ordinary like pour a cup of coffee for her brother, I couldn't help but think that I would still do it. It was the only reason why I accepted this doomed life, why I tolerated life as a vampire and lived it, so I could live hers. So I could die beside her when she left this world, live in the shadows of her life until the privilege of living would be taken away from her and she wouldn't need me as her protector anymore. I would leave this world with her and follow her to the place where we would both find peace in each other.

My eyes followed her as she cradled her three-year-old niece in her arms and brought her upstairs. There had been a time when I dreamed about my child growing inside of her, my daughter that was an exact copy of her in her mother's arms. Her finger covered with a ring that had my name carved in it. All those human cravings impossible because I was a century-old monster, someone that had technically died more than a hundred years ago. And I am dead, my body may look like the young stud I've always been but emotionally I feel drained, like the life was sucked out of me the moment I walked away from her.

"Auntie Lena." My feet had carried me again to the spot where I could hear her niece talk. "Can we look at pictures?"

"Sure sweetie." I climbed in the tree I always used when I surprised her in her room all those years ago. "Which pictures do you want to see?"

"Do you have pictures, auntie?"

"I do."

My whole being started feeling uncomfortable as I saw her sit down on the bed next to Jeremy's and Bonnie's daughter with a scrapbook in her hands. It's a good thing I didn't need air because I couldn't catch it. Her hair was shorter now, draped around her face in layers. Her once childish face now held beautiful female features with those chocolate brown eyes plastered in them. The lips that had touched mine on my death bed were a bit fuller than they used to be.

"Daddy looks funny there." A smile spread across my face as I saw the little girl giggle. "His hair was weird."

"You have to tell him that tomorrow." My heart ached as the woman of my life showed her white teeth. "I can't wait to tease him with it."

"Mommy's curls." The girl's eyes went wide. "What happened to them?"

"She straightens her hair now."

"Who is this?"

I saw the hurt that crossed her face, the deep breath she took before looking at the young girl beside her. For some reason that picture must be a memory she didn't like to share, something she had rather kept to herself for the rest of her life.

"That's Damon." I gulped as I watched her stroke her finger over the picture. "He's uncle Stefan's brother."

"Why isn't he celebrating with us?"

"He isn't here." I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I saw tears appear in her eyes. "He left a long time ago, even before you were born."

"Why did he leave?"

"Because he couldn't stay."

I tightened my grip on the branches in my fists as I saw the hurt on her face, her whole expression sad and in agony. My own feelings reflecting the same. I left her because I couldn't watch her love another man. We fixed him, cured him and rescued him so it was safe again for her to love him. But that didn't mean the things we had shared, the emotions that had been there between us had ever changed. They had only gotten stronger while she and Stefan tried to get back together. There was always standing something in the way and I knew what it was. It was the guilt she felt, the guilt for even giving a damn about me. I knew my brother needed her, that he would go off the rails again once she left him. So I did what I promised her to do the night I told her I loved her and erased her memories. I couldn't be selfish with her or my brother, so I did the honorable thing and left.

"He's pretty." If I wouldn't be such a goddamn mess I would have laughed. "His eyes are so blue."

"You should see them when the sun is bright and the sky is clear." A little sigh left my throat as I saw her stroke the little girl's hair. "The first time I saw him, I thought he was an angel."

I was far from an angel, the exact opposite in fact. The face was there to deceive people, to pull them in and let them share their blood with me. The harsh truth was that I'm a devil, a predator, a monster that sucks the life out of people.

"Do you miss him, auntie Lena?"

"I do." My chest started drumming again as I saw a single tear roll down her cheek. "Sometimes I just wish for one present, that he would come home and that he could meet you."

"Maybe you should send Santa a letter." A sad smile spread across my face as I looked at the little girl's serious face. "He can't know what you want if you don't tell him."

"Maybe you can put it in your letter."

"I will." I chuckled as the girl yawned and turned on her side. "I want to meet Damon too."

I kept my eyes on the girl with chocolate brown orbs as she pulled the covers over the little girl and wished her goodnight. That familiar emptiness inside of me made its way back up once she left the room and went back downstairs.

Like the idiot I was, I opened the window and slid through it, silently thankful that this was still Elena's house. I took a deep breath and focused on the girl in the bed, her brown curled hair draped over the pillows, her teddy bear hugged tightly against her chest. I sat down and watched her, imagining the daughter I would never have, the bedtime stories I wouldn't tell and the sobs I wouldn't ease. I was an idiot for getting myself in this situation, she was Bonnie's daughter, the second she saw me she would probably start kicking and screaming. But that didn't keep me from shaking her softly, stroking the pieces of hair away from her face.

"Hi."

I smiled softly at her, praising myself as she focused her wide green eyes on me instead of starting to scream, Jeremy's genes had been useful after all.

"You're Damon."

"I'm Damon."

"What are you doing in my room?"

"I'm making sure your aunt gets her present." I pulled my hand back as she squeezed the teddy tighter against her. "She wanted me to meet you."

"Should I get auntie Lena?"

"No, No." I held her tiny arm as she tried to get up. "You'll ruin the surprise."

"Sorry." She lay back down on her pillow, looking up at me. "I think she misses you."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because she seems sad when she talks about you." Her mouth formed an O-shaped yawn. "And I heard mommy and daddy fighting about you because daddy thinks auntie Lena made the wrong choice."

"What did she choose wrong?"

"I don't know."

"You should go back to sleep." I stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Are you staying for breakfast?" I smiled as her green eyes lit up. "We can open our presents together."

"I don't think there are any presents for me."

"Maybe you can open the secret present."

"What's the secret present?"

"It's a present that lays under auntie Lena's tree every year." Her green eyes went wide as she told me the story. "But auntie Lena says we can't open it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a secret present for a secret person."

"Can you keep a secret?"

Her green eyes stared at me as she nodded eagerly, her brown curls bouncing up and down on the pillow. I realized that I would have to trust a three-year-old who was the daughter of the witch that hated me. In all my stupidity, I had forgotten about the consequences, the memories she would have with her because I couldn't take them from her. And after all those years of calling Bonnie an idiot, it was my turn to carry the title. This girl was a witch's daughter, she probably had vervain for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

"Don't tell anyone I was here." I put my finger to my lips, trying to speak the language of a three-year-old. "It's our little secret."

"I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Good girl." I stroked her hair and pushed her softly into the pillow. "Now go to sleep."

"Goodnight Damon."

Something in my chest squeezed together at the sight of the little girl in the bed. A long forgotten dream was pushed back to the dark place I kept it in. I would never be a father, neither would I be an uncle or the godfather to some moron's kid who was stupid enough to put his faith in me. I was destined to live an empty life, a life filled with loneliness and longings to things that could never be.

"Goodnight princess."

I tucked the covers around her, wondering in the back of my mind why I was even worried that she would get cold. I guess Rose was right when she said you couldn't turn the switch off for forever. Even though I don't think mine was ever really turned off completely, I like to think it was. Because the moment I felt it turn back on, that's when the pain started, when I started feeling again and let a girl squirm herself in my miserable life. I let her bring light to it because I was tired of living in the darkness, I let her bring happiness to it because I was tired of being unsatisfied, I let her bring love to it because I was tired of being hated.

As quietly as I left the boarding house five years ago, I now left Elena's guestroom. The door squeaked as I closed it behind me and stepped into the dark corridor, only a faint light came from under the door opposite the guestroom. I knew who was in that room, I had more than once saved that man's life and in return he saved mine and became enough of my friend to put up with my shit. In the deepest of my core I'm grateful for meeting him. Before him, I had long forgotten how it was like to be able to rely on someone.

Sometimes I wonder how much of a masochist I really am. When I do things like this I think it's the pain that keeps me living this undead death life. Every man who knows how much it hurts to not be able to hold the one you love would have ran away from it and drop himself in the nearest dumpster. But not me. No. I still want to feel the pain because I love feeling it. When I feel that pain, I know I'm home and I know that I'm exactly where I want to be. That she's exactly where I want her to be.

There are no words for the thoughts that are going through my mind, for the memories that flash through it as I step closer to my goal. And I know what I'll find because I'm the one who made sure that I'd find it. Because I never really gave that selfish side of me up and I still savor it, once a year I'm selfish and I let myself have what I'll deny myself for the rest of the years that are coming at me. And even if I feel the pain now, I can't ignore the tingles that make shivers run down my spine, because my body is expecting something, my dead soul is praying for something and the black hole in my chest is begging for the one thing it really wants to possess.

She was still as beautiful as the day I met her, and she still owned me like the day I met her. Her chestnut hair lay on her back, draped in soft waves and occasionally it would get a red glance as the fire from the hearth directed the light from its flame at her. I noticed her tensed shoulders as she crossed her legs and held the hot chocolate between her palms. Even if I couldn't see her face, I knew that her brown doe eyes were staring into the fire, that the flame would be dancing in the melted chocolate of her orbs.

Never had any woman this effect on me, they weren't able to bring me down on my knees and let me beg and crawl for them. There had never been a woman who had brought me so much happiness and pain in the same moment. I had never fought for a woman like I had fought for her. Only to give her up in the end.

"Merry Christmas, Elena."

Her shoulders stiffened with the sound of my voice and I remember these moments because I had lived them before. I knew she was going to turn around and whisper my name with that hoarse voice of hers. With those thoughts my eyes were already glued to the back of her head, waiting for her to turn around and focus those big brown eyes on me, holding my whole world captive.

"Damon."

I shivered as she turned her brown eyes to me and locked us captive in the net we had woven between us. I thought after five years I would have become immune to the power of those begging eyes, but to be honest I think I'd never be immune to them. They held me and when I closed my eyes in some dusty motel next to the freeway, they were the last thing I saw before the dark took over me and brought me to the light place in my head where I would meet her and sit with her. Every night, those moments were over too soon and I would wake up in the dusty motel in the empty bed with the empty chest and the empty space in my soul that could only be filled by one other individual.

"You finally came home."

And as her arms wrapped around me and squeezed me tightly against her, she didn't know how true her words were. When I turned my back on the Confederacy and came back home to the girl I thought to love, I expected a welcome like this, warms arms that wrapped around me and squeezed me tightly like they never wanted to let me go. I wanted to hear the soft sobs that I heard now as they realized I finally came back and unharmed, I wanted to feel the relieve in their bodies as they realized they were holding me in their arms again, that the Damon they loved had returned. But I had never gotten a welcome like this, not one where I had to fight back my own tears because I was so relieved to finally be home.

"I'm home."

I stroked her hair softly, my fingers removing the small knots at the end of her long brown locks. Until she came along I thought I wouldn't be the type for the small gestures but now I had her back in my arms after all this time, I couldn't help but to appreciate the smell of her hair, the way her breath warmed my cold skin, the way her nails scraped into my skin to hold me closer against her.

"I missed you."

She didn't realize how much those words meant to me, even if I heard her say them more than once, they still got to me every time. Because I could see the hurt that rested behind her eyes as she locked her brown teary eyes with me. I noticed the dried path of the fresh shed tears that run down her cheek and I traced it with my thumb because I wanted to make them go away. No one was allowed to hurt her and especially not me because I had already hurt her too much. I had used up my share of forgiveness but every time I still asked for it because I knew she would forgive me, because her life without me was as empty as mine without her.

"I'm here." I kissed her cheek gently, letting my lips linger there to memorize the taste of her skin. "You don't have to miss me anymore."

"Don't ever do that again." She pushed her head under my chin, knowing she fitted there perfectly. "I can't go through that again for a second time."

She underestimated herself, she didn't even know half how strong she was. She went through this before and she made it, just like I made it without her. We had to make it, otherwise we couldn't be together again and love like we were really supposed to love, with one body, one soul, one heart.

"I got you a present."

I pulled the small box out of my leather jacket, adjusting the bow on top of it so it didn't look so pathetic and wrinkled as it first did. My eyes followed her as she accepted it without complaining, she had never complained when I gave her something. It's like she knew that the small thing in the box was the only piece of me I could give her and let her keep.

"It's beautiful." I took the charm out of her hands as she studied it with wide eyes. "It goes on my bracelet."

I felt myself smile softly as I took her outstretched arm and clasped the charm around the bracelet, playing with the four other ones that were on it. I knew where she got that bracelet and I knew that every year she would get a new charm. Every Christmas there would be a new charm on her bracelet, she didn't know where it came from and she didn't ask anyone about it, but she knew she got it for Christmas. She never took it off and in the back of my mind I wonder if she knew where they came from.

"I have something for you too." She entangled her limbs from mine and dove under the Christmas tree, taking the secret present. "It's just something small."

I took the gold package from her as she pushed it in my arms, biting her lips nervously. I knew the gesture, the way her eyes stayed glued to my face to see my reaction. But she would never get that reaction because I put the present on the table next to me, pushing it back against the wall.

"Aren't you going to open it?"

"I'll open it later." I cupped her face in my hands, wondering if it should feel so good to have someone's skin against yours. "There's something else I need to do first."

The hurt that crossed her eyes ripped me apart but I had my own reasons to keep that present wrapped in its golden layer. I would never unwrap it before she could remember my reaction to it, I wanted her to know how happy I was when she gave me that present and I wanted her to notice that I carried it with me all the time, just because it was hers. But she couldn't know that now, so that present would stay under her Christmas tree until that time came and she could savor that moment.

The hurt in her eyes quickly faded when she realized what I was going to do first, what she wanted me to do first. So when my lips collided with hers and we felt in a pace we had found years ago, there was no struggling or no regrets, these lips had been made to taste one another, to move with the other like they moved with no one else's.

Making love to someone had been a foreign concept to me until the first night she showed me her body and shared it with me. She had sucked me in and made me lose myself inside of her. I'll never forget how she whispered my name, quietly but loud enough for me to hear the love behind it. That night had changed me, changed the way I used to see love. Because after Katherine I taught myself to hate love and to run away from it but that night when she let herself collide with me and made us one, I let myself love again.

Time is a weird concept when you lose yourself in someone else and try to forget about the world that wants to hurt you and take this moment from you. But when our clothes slowly disappeared from our bodies and our skins met each other again, time was the last thing on my mind. The only thing I wanted to do was love her, be with her, carry her pain for her.

I came home to love her, to make her one again for one night because I was selfish that way. Life wasn't an option for me if I hadn't something to live for, so I gave myself this one night a year to love her and complete her with all the love I had gathered for her in the past year. And I never asked myself if she would hate me for it if she could remember, I didn't dare to ask myself the question because I was hurting the both of us with this visit. That's what it was, I never came home, I just visited and disappeared again, leaving the distant memory of me behind.

"Damon."

My name fell off her lips as I trusted into her, making our bodies whole again after such a long time. She grabbed my shoulders, holding her naked chest tightly against mine as we slowly drove each other to the edge, knowing exactly what to do to make the other one crazy.

I felt the sting as she bit me in the crook of my neck, her teeth scraping the flesh. Even in vampire flesh the bite would be there for days, marking me as hers and hers only. I never told her she didn't have to mark me with her teeth for me to be hers. I was hers, I became hers the night she gave into me and showed me what love really was. But I carried that bite with proud because it was hers and she loved to mark me.

"Bite me."

"No."

"Bite me."

"No."

She yanked my head to the side, her teeth clenched together as she moaned when I hit her sweet spot. I knew she loved it when I left my mark on her, that she wanted to have that same bite on her as she put on me but for some reason I could never do it. Because I knew her blood would linger in my system and drive me crazy, I would yearn for it and crawl over the ground to reach it. I loved her too much to feed from her.

"Damon, I need this." Her eyes were begging me and I could feel my determination wash away. "I need you."

My face changed in the monster she had started to love the same day she confessed loving me and I still couldn't believe that she could love my second face, the real man behind the mask. It actually scared me whenever she asked me to do things like this, to let her dominate me into things I would kill other people for. But as my fangs pierced through her skin and a moan escaped her throat, I realized that she would always love all of me, because I knew her flaws and I loved her imperfections to the same extent I loved her perfections.

"I love you."

The words shot through my universe as I pulled my lips away from her neck and let her see the mask again, the one with blue eyes, soft features, the other part of me she loved. I knew she loved me, she told me a long time ago, the same second I told her I loved her more than myself, that I would always love her more.

"I love you too."

I intertwined our fingers next to her head, our lips brushing against each other as I drove us closer to the edge, feeling her starting to pulse around me, her brown eyes boring wider into mine with every thrust I brought her closer to that feeling she savored. It was that same feeling that made sex for me with any other woman unsatisfying. I needed to see her fall apart underneath me in my arms before I could experience that feeling myself. I wanted to see her eyes roll back before I surrendered myself to that sinful bliss.

I closed my lips around hers as she started screaming my name, the power of the bond between us taking over her body and possessing it with shivers, sweat, trembles, everything that made her shake underneath me. I watched her and fell off the edge two seconds later as she pulsed around me and squeezed everything out of me.

"Merry Christmas, Damon."

She ran her fingers through my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead as I rested on her chest, her heart drumming underneath my ear. Sometimes I wondered how I could make her heart beat so fast, it wasn't just after we made love or chased each other. I could just stand in front of her, look her in the eyes and her heart would start drumming in my ears, it became my lullaby over the past few years.

"This was definitely a merry Christmas." My laugh made goosebumps appear on her skin. "You're good at the whole present thing."

"I don't even know why I bothered to buy you something." She rested her cheek against my forehead, stroking my hair. "All you wanted was sex."

"I didn't want sex." I pushed myself up, hovering above her, slightly offended. "I wanted to make love to you."

"Then it's a very good thing I love you." She pulled me down and closed her lips around mine, letting them move together. "Where have you been?"

"I've been right here." I stroked her hair, noticing the sun that was coming up in the east. "I was right here."

"You weren't." She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I wouldn't have missed you otherwise."

"I was right here." I placed my hand on her heart, feeling her heartbeat. "Right there."

"You're never leaving again, right?"

I wish I could tell her that she had nothing to worry about, that I would stand beside her, hold her hand through everything. But we both knew my brother would go off the rails again if he suddenly found his girlfriend in my arms. I didn't deserve her and neither did my brother, but I knew the one of us that needed her the most. I wasn't good for her so leaving her was my choice because I was the older brother and I would always give my little brother what he needed. I loved the both of them, so I did what was best for the both of them.

"I have to go soon." I looked up through the window, seeing the sun peek on the horizon. "They're going to be up soon."

"No, Damon." My heart broke as the tears welled up in her eyes again. "Stay."

"I can't."

"Just for another hour." She clutched my body to her chest and I could do nothing else but give in. "Stay with me."

"It's time, Elena." I pushed myself off her, leaving the warmth of her body. "I can't stay."

"No."

"Don't make this harder than it already is." I grabbed the present from the table and put it back under the tree. "I don't want to leave you but I have to."

"That's for you." She pushed herself up, taking the present in her hands. "At least if you leave, take it with you."

"You'll understand someday." I kissed her forehead, searching for the clasp from her vervain necklace behind her back. "I'm sorry sweetie."

"Damon." She grabbed my hands as I let the necklace slide from her neck. "Don't."

"I love you." I whispered against her skin, kissing her lips softly. "I'll never love someone else."

"I love you too." She buried her face in my neck, squeezing me so tightly against her that I almost can't breath. "Don't go."

"Look at me."

"No."

"Look at me."

"No." She shook her head, keeping her face against the skin in my neck. "You'll do something stupid."

"Are you calling me stupid?" I wrapped my own arms around her, rocking the both of us.

"You sometimes get these ideas that aren't the best ones in the world."

"Like your plans are always so smart." I rolled my eyes, feeling her quiet laugh against my neck. "We're always two seconds away from dying."

"But I always save your ass."

"That's because I have a nice ass."

"It's not bad." She squeezed me more tightly, determined not to let go. "But I think you like mine just as much."

"Let me see."

I squirmed out of her embrace and picked her up, pretending to be looking at her well-formed bottom. She let out a gasp as I threw her on the couch, my body draped over hers. Her eyes focused on mine and she shook her head fiercely, knowing exactly what I could do now.

"I love you." I cupped her face between my hands, boring my blue eyes into her brown ones. "But you love your boyfriend that is soundly asleep upstairs and you know he has a brother and that you care about him but he's an ass and he left because he was too scared to face what was really going on."

I noticed the tears that started to escape her eyes as I held her captive under my gaze. "You don't know that I was here, but you know I'll be here next year because I'm always here, you just don't remember it."

"You'll go to bed after a wonderful night with your friends and tomorrow you'll wake up and have a beautiful day. You're going to have a wonderful year and next year I'll be back here just like I was here in the past five years and deep down, you know it."

I wiped away the tear that escaped my eye and got up, seeing her eyes already starting to flutter. I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her, hiding her naked body from the cold air. I pulled on my own clothes while I kept watching her.

My death heart seemed to drum in my chest as I took the gold present in my hands and put it back under the tree, exactly where it had been when I came in here. I already heard movement upstairs as the sun only slid higher into the sky. I trailed a ghostly path with my finger on her cheek and pressed a kiss against her forehead, ready to disappear before her boyfriend got downstairs.

My soul tore itself apart again as I walked out the door and stood in front of the window, knowing that next year I'd be back in the same place, with the same pain, the same love but with a new memory. Because one day of the year revolved around love, that one day I would come back to love her again.

"I'm coming home for Christmas."

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